2014. Have you ever had a feeling as deep as your bones that you couldn’t shake? I am finally feeling this. And it is telling me 2014 will be a year of overcoming fear, doubt, and achieving my first real taste of success.
I am finally accepting I can only go as far as my limits will allow. Which means I need to open my mind and believe I have no limits. Fear and doubt are mere obstacles to overcome, not the end of the road. Anyone who has been at a crossroads knows how hard it is to get though. It is one of those things no one can hold your hand. It is you and your own will power. You have to find the strength in yourself to climb higher no matter how endless the climb seems.
I have struggled my whole life with being “too emotional”. I know it has hindered me and slowed down the pace I could have reached goals in the past. But at the same time people do not realize that these emotions are what fuel my passion and determination. If I didn’t take things personal and let my emotions guide me then what is the point of feeling anything? Where does passion grow from? Attachment and emotion. If people weren’t this way, nothing amazing would ever be achieved.
This year has truly been a test of my strength. I am going to get personal. I stepped into this year genuinely trying thinking everything was going to be amazing. I had a new found determination, a desire to move forward and truly succeed. But in the middle of January my Grandmother, who was living with me at the time, was taken to the hospital. After a few days of tests she was sent home as if nothing was wrong. She didn’t seem to get better but only got worse. And back to the hospital she was taken in March 3rd while I was at WPPI. Within a few days she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and told she had 9 months to 2 years to live. She moved into hospice at my aunt’s house, and by March 23rd had passed. She gave up, and stopped eating. Watching her wilt away into nothing was the most difficult thing I have ever experience. Since then free time has been spent going through all her belongings which are still in my house, selling her house, and dealing with all the legal crap that comes with this kind of loss.
In dealing with her affairs, focusing on myself and especially my career has been difficult. This was just one of many events, including the loss of my childhood friend Taylor who I had known since he was born. I really found myself this year falling into some pretty dark holes. But I am truly lucky to have a select few people who have been nothing but supportive. Without them, I really do not think I could have survived these events.
To anyone who has dealt with Cancer. I am so sorry. The pain I felt was so short lived, I cannot imagine the years of suffering some go through. But I do feel lucky to have had the time to say my goodbyes and let her know I truly loved her.
With JUNE just around the corner, and I trying to put all the sorrow behind me and look at the second half of the year as the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that maybe all this terrible fortune happened to let me see what I have to be thankful for and work harder then ever.
As for the business. I have gone through some much needed changes. I am now instead Mayhew Photo. New name, new me. And hopefully a really successful future. I say it again and again, but I will be blogging more. I will blog happy things, and great photos. To those who support me, thank you! I need it, it truly pushes me through the dark times.